I have spoken to many men who do not feel valid in experiencing pain. They have not been through war and they do not know how to explain what is going on. Many present with work related "stress" or relationship difficulties. As we begin to explore the root of the suffering there is often specific experiences that have been traumatic. The word trauma is often not acknowleged because it is not a Big T. That does not mean that experiences of neglect, abandonment, invalidation, bulling, loss, or any other defined disruption is not traumatic.
Expressing emotion has historically been seen as a weakness in men. Social stigma is attached directly to men seeking help and admitting something is "wrong". Most men suffer in silence. The messages that are sent by well meaning parents, educators and peers are that feelings are something to be avoided and many men do not even realize there is help available to them. There are many factors that contribute to these beliefs.
1) Social stigma - there is shame and judgment when men express emotions
2) Lack of Awareness - many men do not understand their own emotions
3) Perception - maculinity is defined by strength not vulnerability
4) Acceptance - men often do not even know who to talk to that will hold a safe space
Asking for help is a skill. As a society we do not encourage the skills that it takes for men to ask for help and be vulnerable. Independence and strength are praised and valued. Being emotional does not fit into that definition of "being a man". Suffering is unacceptable and is treated as a character flaw in most men.
My own new year's challenge for myself as a clinician is to start building more awareness around men's mental health. I don't know that that looks like as of yet. I plan to write about it. I want to hear stories. I want to know more than what the statistics say. I think this starts with a conversation. The following suggestions may be helpful to men trying to find solutions:
Talk to someone - a trusted friend or relative
Reach out to a counselor - PsychologyToday.com or emdria.org have search tools
Journal your thoughts and feelings
Read more about mental health in men
Please remember that you are not alone and you do not have to suffer in silence.